Recently I started volunteering at Harborview Medical Center, where people who don't have corporate health care plans are prioritized. It lies right next to the most diverse zipcode in the entire country - approximately 80 languages are spoken! Gnarly. My position is in the ICU, so the people I walk by are more than just a little sick. I can only imagine how scary it is to be in surgery, or have family in surgery, language barriers, not a lot of money, and social problems when you get out (so far I have seen injuries from narcotics, knives, and guns), and a whole smorgasboard of family members. It appears pretty normal for the waiting room to have ukuleles, coolers, huge pots of food and endless amounts of toddlers at any given time.

Because I am sans paycheck, my responsibilities are little more than handing out pillows, taking names and pointing people in the right direction. And smiling. In this scary, painful place, a smile goes so far! People are so grateful for that extra millimeter of effort, and it's so easy! This might :) be a bit of an exaggeration, but I feel like I've found the crux of the human condition - one person has a hard day and another reaches out a hand.

View from the patio/parking lot. Sometimes it's bright ahead.

I love saying I'm sorry. I mean, being wrong sucks and I would certainly like to do less of that! Instead I have the mortal truth that hindsight is 20/20 and foresight is, well, not so good. When the time comes up that I actually understand how dumb the thing I did was, I tuck my tail between my legs and offer up any pride or ego I might have been holding onto. I just see apologizing as being one of the most human interactions there is. We are all fallible. But right here - it's you, and me, and we need each other. There are definitely times when it's good to let the strong, forceful emotions like anger and pride go. Just put them aside for a moment, they'll come around again I assure you of that. When I say I'm sorry, I open a door, create an opportunity, and throw away any preconceptions that this is the way my life is. To me what it really says is that I don't know how we got here, but hey let's write a new chapter.

See to raise others and you will be raised.

Sweat and tears kill bacteria on your skin! Another good reason to not hold back and just live in the moment!

For the past week or two, I've been thinking and talking about taking a sick day just because, because I haven't been out sick in a long time and because it's nice to have a random day off to relax. Today here I am sick at home, actually sick. The mind is a powerful thing and it can conspire to make your thoughts a reality!

MindBodyGreen posted an article about a nurse's observation of the most common regrets at the time of death. I really enjoyed reading them, because while I felt for the people who did not get to live them out, they offered such genuine inspiration to live in the moment, to live in the small things! No bucket lists required. These are basic, human things, that require neither dollars nor good luck. Just smiles and love :)

1) I wish I had more courage to be true to myself.

2) I wish I didn't work so hard (as in time spent working, not the quality of the work).

3) I wish I could better express my feelings.

4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5) I wish I had let myself be happier, and not get stuck in old habits and patterns.

Right at this moment you have the power to live the life you'll wish you had.

I've been thinking all week about how to begin to share this, and explore the lesson - or what even IS the lesson. This week I was affirmed that I carry a variety of character traits that I perceive to be highly negative - yet it was delivered as a compliment. Initially my ego and self-esteem felt about as big as piece of Nerds candy, and I wanted to crawl in a bed and keep my mouth shut forever. In order to still get paid, that was not going to be an option, so I stayed put and the minutes ticked by and my friends still wanted to hang out even though I looked at myself as a rotten person...hmm so it looks like life is going to keep going and be not so bad...only now I'm acutely aware of some personal things to work on, and the person who helped me figure that out isn't even annoyed. The next day I didn't even feel bad - it was like I had heard the worst possible thing about myself but the other person was not in complete agreement with me.

It appears that:

It's a wacky world and everybody has their own rose-colored glasses on so do what you want and what you think is right.

You have to find a situation where you feel at least a little uncomfortable to be able to grow and find new space in your life.