I am TERRIBLE at blog design on Google...so I am abandoning ship and starting a new blog at feelinggoodfeelinggreat@wordpress.com. See you there!

The IF Project

It Started with a Question

“If there was something someone could have said or done that would have changed the path that led you here, what would it have been?”

Detective Kim Bogucki posed this question to a group of prisoners at the Washington Correction Center for Women. Initially, it was just posed randomly to the group and inspired some discussion. On her next visit to WCCW, Detective Bogucki was surprised to find this question had incited great inspiration with one inmate, Renata Abramson. Renata had taken it upon herself to share this question with her fellow prisoners.
She asked them to take time, really consider the question and write down what they felt. The question had sparked something in them. Not just a desire to search themselves to find what could have changed their own lives, but a larger desire to impart this information to help others. Through them, we will search for answers as to how to break the chain of felonies that have brought them all here, in the hopes of preventing others from doing the same. To date, we have collected over 240 essays.

Just had to copy their words! They said it so well, I didn't want to lose a single breath of the heart and compassion written here. A friend recently told me about this project and it really resonated with me. I feel like I have met a lot of people who wanted a better life for themselves, and one thing or another, external or internal, mental or physical, it didn't happen. I always wonder - where was the tipping point? [I probably need to read Malcolm Gladwell's novel]. The second thought that comes to mind is, are these things reversible? How easy is it to change the direction of a path? And, can it be done alone?

Antidiuretic hormone (ADH) is primarily responsible for keeping water in the body. Whenever you are dehydrated, this hormone kicks in. It functions by changing the permeability of the collecting ducts of the kidneys, keeping more water in the body and concentrating the urine. When water volume in the body is low, blood volume will also be lower, and that in turn lowers blood pressure. ADH constricts the arteries, making them smaller and thus increasing blood pressure to bring it back to a normal level. It's important to have your blood pressure at certain levels to keep the flow of blood at a rate that can nourish your body.

That's what it does - now what causes its release? Decreases in blood volume, as I just said, and it is also secreted in response to CCK, a digestive hormone that is secreted in response to fats and acids in the stomach. (Being bloated is science!!). Things that repress ADH include alcohol - this is why frequent trips to the bathroom on beverage-happy nights and subsequent dehydration occur - and by atrial natriuretic peptide (ANP), a hormone secreted by heart muscle cells in response to high blood pressure (too much water in the body) and other things, as ANP serves to regulate water, sodium, potassium, and fat.

So, you see, it's all a lot more complicated. This is just the beginning!

Googling done now, and there are around 50 hormones in the human body, but doctors are reluctant to say this is a hard and fast number as new ones are being discovered. Personally, I find hormones to be one of the most interesting parts of the body, because their cascade of effects reaches so far! This triggers that, which triggers this, which causes that, leading to this effect and then another trigger, and then something else has happened in the meantime. And in the end it affects how you feel, which is really the bottom line anyway! Whenever I read health articles, I find it very misleading to say that one thing changes this one other thing, and you should make that one small change and then you'll be magically healthier. So maybe we will just seek to understand what's going on, rather than go straight for the fix.

I had to share...

I was just about to google how many hormones humans have, and the first suggestion at "number of ho" was "number of horns on a unicorn." That's funny!

A good vocabulary is important so that you can accurately express yourself. Being lost in translation is a global epidemic. Hands down the best way to improve your vocabulary is to read - genuine books and articles from people who use language as a means to explore ideas and the world. Here's a good website that offers things to read that are anything but dry.

Yesterday I was sitting in a coffee shop reading about kidneys (which are fascinating! They filter ALL of your blood 60 times a day! Maybe see something on this later) and, as fascinating as they were, there was also a very fascinating discussion going on at the table next to me. It was a man and a woman, probably in their 50's, and it seemed like it was a date, early on maybe, and they were discussing previous relationships. I did not hear much of what the woman said, but the man had been married, and involved with his ex-wife for around 25 years. They had problems and ended up divorcing. He said there were periods of trying to work through things, but they couldn't pull it off. He had a rough time and went through therapy and eventually learned that he had a lot of problems with himself and he needed to work through those. It sounds like he made some progress, and went back to his ex-wife, but I clearly heard him say that she was strong and was no longer interested in a mutual future. They had kids together as well. He said it was all so awful for him - having that fall apart, and also being a confident man and acknowledging that he was fallible and imperfect.

I found this story to be quite interesting because these two people had been involved for the entire duration of my life. To think that something as big as my whole existence had to crumble and fall apart because two people failed to communicate - failed to be patient with themselves and with others, failed to be open to growth and change with each other.

Maybe it is easy for me to say because I have not been through something of that magnitude. However, I have had some incredibly turbulent human relationships and I think the bottom line is to always remember to be open to the idea that each person is doing the best they can from their point of view. And that's enough.

Recently I started volunteering at Harborview Medical Center, where people who don't have corporate health care plans are prioritized. It lies right next to the most diverse zipcode in the entire country - approximately 80 languages are spoken! Gnarly. My position is in the ICU, so the people I walk by are more than just a little sick. I can only imagine how scary it is to be in surgery, or have family in surgery, language barriers, not a lot of money, and social problems when you get out (so far I have seen injuries from narcotics, knives, and guns), and a whole smorgasboard of family members. It appears pretty normal for the waiting room to have ukuleles, coolers, huge pots of food and endless amounts of toddlers at any given time.

Because I am sans paycheck, my responsibilities are little more than handing out pillows, taking names and pointing people in the right direction. And smiling. In this scary, painful place, a smile goes so far! People are so grateful for that extra millimeter of effort, and it's so easy! This might :) be a bit of an exaggeration, but I feel like I've found the crux of the human condition - one person has a hard day and another reaches out a hand.

View from the patio/parking lot. Sometimes it's bright ahead.

I love saying I'm sorry. I mean, being wrong sucks and I would certainly like to do less of that! Instead I have the mortal truth that hindsight is 20/20 and foresight is, well, not so good. When the time comes up that I actually understand how dumb the thing I did was, I tuck my tail between my legs and offer up any pride or ego I might have been holding onto. I just see apologizing as being one of the most human interactions there is. We are all fallible. But right here - it's you, and me, and we need each other. There are definitely times when it's good to let the strong, forceful emotions like anger and pride go. Just put them aside for a moment, they'll come around again I assure you of that. When I say I'm sorry, I open a door, create an opportunity, and throw away any preconceptions that this is the way my life is. To me what it really says is that I don't know how we got here, but hey let's write a new chapter.

See to raise others and you will be raised.

Sweat and tears kill bacteria on your skin! Another good reason to not hold back and just live in the moment!

For the past week or two, I've been thinking and talking about taking a sick day just because, because I haven't been out sick in a long time and because it's nice to have a random day off to relax. Today here I am sick at home, actually sick. The mind is a powerful thing and it can conspire to make your thoughts a reality!

MindBodyGreen posted an article about a nurse's observation of the most common regrets at the time of death. I really enjoyed reading them, because while I felt for the people who did not get to live them out, they offered such genuine inspiration to live in the moment, to live in the small things! No bucket lists required. These are basic, human things, that require neither dollars nor good luck. Just smiles and love :)

1) I wish I had more courage to be true to myself.

2) I wish I didn't work so hard (as in time spent working, not the quality of the work).

3) I wish I could better express my feelings.

4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5) I wish I had let myself be happier, and not get stuck in old habits and patterns.

Right at this moment you have the power to live the life you'll wish you had.

I've been thinking all week about how to begin to share this, and explore the lesson - or what even IS the lesson. This week I was affirmed that I carry a variety of character traits that I perceive to be highly negative - yet it was delivered as a compliment. Initially my ego and self-esteem felt about as big as piece of Nerds candy, and I wanted to crawl in a bed and keep my mouth shut forever. In order to still get paid, that was not going to be an option, so I stayed put and the minutes ticked by and my friends still wanted to hang out even though I looked at myself as a rotten person...hmm so it looks like life is going to keep going and be not so bad...only now I'm acutely aware of some personal things to work on, and the person who helped me figure that out isn't even annoyed. The next day I didn't even feel bad - it was like I had heard the worst possible thing about myself but the other person was not in complete agreement with me.

It appears that:

It's a wacky world and everybody has their own rose-colored glasses on so do what you want and what you think is right.

You have to find a situation where you feel at least a little uncomfortable to be able to grow and find new space in your life.