An interesting note on trust...

First I will admit that I am young enough not to be very familiar with the patterns people create for themselves. For most of my life, it has always been assumed that the people I know will turn out okay.

I have now had two people, probably the two people I have been closest to during our friendships, betray my trust in very similar ways. During Episode 2, I consulted with the other party of Episode 1, to see if this person could help enlighten me as to what was going on and how to respond. Our friendship had never fully recovered, and I am not the type of person who lets myself make the same mistakes twice. Here I feel like Alanis Morrissette is singing in the background, because, ironically, my first friend told me this loss of trust was extremely big, and not recoverable for them.

This makes me think twice. And I'm sure it will for the rest of my life.

Is it worth it to be so harsh on someone else, when you might do the same thing, either in the past or the future? You choose to stand by people or you don't. It's important to demand your respect, because respect isn't something that comes and goes. Trust may have its ups and downs, but if you don't take a chance and believe in it, you could lose everything.

For a less diary-like adventure, stay tuned. I am going to the International District Night Market this weekend - very excited to see how similar (or not!) it is to the chaotic night markets in China.

For months I have been frustrated working with a particular somebody at work. My work atmosphere is very Type A, and this person was a couple steps behind - always. I knew this person was not a good fit, and continuously wondered why they had not been fired already. Yesterday she was fired. She was putting things in bags to leave, and me, being the blunder I am, asked what she was doing. She simply replied "They just fired me." It hit me like a giant fist in the stomach. I was too lame to respond appropriately, so I just froze, dropped my jaw, and left the room.

During the six months we worked together, she had confided in me about some of her personal problems, which included being jailed for child abuse, when, according to her, the child was lying, adult children abusing her privileges, the children's father slandering her in front of the children, and assorted issues like these. She had been working as a temp for two years prior to lending this job, and had not gone to the dentist in longer than that, since she did not have the insurance. She is also 59, so new skills probably aren't jumping out of the book at her.

Now, I know that everyone has problems. It's all relative. But the idea of this woman's life becoming instantly more difficult, while mine perhaps gets easier, really frazzled me. As frustrated as I was working with her, I still did not think her to be a bad person, nor did I wish bad things to happen to her. Then I remembered what a bad fit she was for that job. It was so weird...I didn't know what to feel. Relief at work improving? Sympathy at the rollercoaster of her life?

The day after I still can't forget that moment when she told me she was fired, and I still don't know how I feel about it. But I will probably always wonder what she decided to do when she woke up in the morning on August 21, 2010.

Ok, ok, I can finally admit it... I have been a horrible blogger the past few months because of two things. (Right now I am wishing I had some actual literary training, and would know which to list first - importance, suspense?!) Well, I like to leave the best for last. I re-entered the world of full time work, luckily to the office equivalent of paradise. Where coffee tastes like a mai tai, the heat of my computer feels like the tropical sunshine, and the people are about as friendly as the come. Meanwhile I was falling head over heels in love. I'm going to spare you all the details on that one, I think there has certainly been enough romantic literature written, and I'm sure I wouldn't be the best at it. I also think there are some things that are better when they aren't shared. I usually feel delightfully spoiled when I keep something special to myself and remember that the sweetness is all for me.

Alright, I have now had time to recover from this wonderful/horrific (Note on this word combination: I am reminded of "crazy/beautiful" and am quite intrigued by seemingly paradoxical word combinations, because once you hit one on the nose, nothing else can be quite as descriptively effective) book and would like to add a few more un-tear-stained thoughts. This was probably the best book I've ever read. The worst possible things to happen to a human being happened in this book, and as Leo and Kate know, the heart goes on. How, how how?! I feel like getting on my knees in gratitude of my good fortune, if this book had not made me too wise to do so! I refuse to explain that, I simply cannot ruin an instant of this book. I will let each word weave itself into your heart on its own. The wondrous part of this book comes into play when the strength of the human spirit and emotional need to share are sharply highlighted.


Just, just, go read it. And then come find me, and I'll give you a hug and we'll talk. A Fine Balance, Rohinton Mistry. Don't let Oprah fool you into thinking it's chick lit, because it's not.



...forever young...

I have just finished reading A Fine Balance, by Rohinton Mistry. And as much as I love talking and writing and communicating, I can't figure out how to tell someone the way this book made me feel. The events that happened in the book were catastrophically tragic...yet I am left feeling happy, because I am so grateful for my life, so lucky. To have a place to sleep, to have good health, even decent health, to have toothpaste, and more than anything, to have more than one good friend, and to have a family. To have opportunity. These things can make a difference at even the smallest of scales.

And now, water. I must replenish those tears.