DIY Counseling

Introduction: I totally support counseling. Finding a safe space to be able to talk without judgment, know your thoughts are contained between you and that person, organize yourself, and just have time to let go, well, everyone could use that. I think my life would be a zillion times calmer and more thoughtful if I could do that every week.

Reality Check: Counseling is resource-intensive. We're always running out of time and money, that's the game of life. I've also heard the argument made that that's what friends are for - helping youout with your problems.

Solution! A Wise Friend of mine told me that she can get to the root of any of her problems by asking herself Why? three times. The rule here is that you have to be willing to ask the hard questions, because Why? #3 will make you face something you don't like about yourself or the life you're building around you. Those things don't typically change over night, so when you start asking the questions, make sure you're ready for a few deep breaths at the end and remind yourself that life is a marathon rollercoaster.

Even now, I wanted to share a real, personal example, and the answers to the hard questions were too embarrassing to put on the internet, where you can never take things back! Here's a loose example to get you started. And don't write about it on the internet :)

I'm upset that Acquaintance and I can't get along.

Why do we fight?
Because I can't be nice to them, they don't deserve it, they aren't nice to me, they will take advantage of me, etc

Why can't I be nice to them?
Because I'm afraid of being a doormat, of not standing up for myself, that nothing will change.

Why am I afraid of being a doormat or if nothing changes?
Because that threatens my self esteem and what others may think of me.

And wahoo, that's not where your self esteem should come from!

Easier said than done, folks.