So, the official "Why I Am Not in China Anymore" story. All the details so that hopefully I will never have to spend a lot of time retelling this story, because frankly, it wears me out. This is not a story about life being wondrous, but of something else, something I would prefer not to attach words to.

Abstract: It is possible to learn more about yourself in three days than in 23 years. ... earlier I spent time thinking about what I would write here, hoping I could be somewhat clever, and now that push comes to shove, I cannot find the motivation to be anything more than direct and accurate...

The weekend of August 8 and 9, 2009 was ROUGH. Granted, I am on the sensitive side, but I would put this in the top ten most unpleasant weekends of my life. The details are irrelevant, but it should be known that Monday, August 10 was an uphill climb for me. Miley Cyrus could sing proudly in my honor. August 11 I skipped dinner at the school and went out with two of the Chinese teachers. We went to Pacman's, aptly named for the circle with a wedge cut out on the restaurant's sign. While I was worrying about my stomachache from too much hot sauce, the rest of the teachers were called into a last minute meeting. While I was walking back to the school, NJ called me and asked if we could hang out later. He is very diligent about preparing for class and going to bed on time, so I was pretty worried. When I got to his room, there was no beating around the bush. The school was out of money, the students were going home in the next couple days, we could stay for another week and a half if we needed, but things were over. As it turned out, the students went home two days later. The A/C was turned off three days later, and I was sleeping on the top floor in a hot and humid country. This was more miserable than it sounds, especially when you can't sleep from anxiety. Although we were originally promised housing for another week and a half, this changed to five days after the announcement. Approximately five minutes after the students left, movers came and began to disassemble the building. Books, furniture, pianos, mattresses, everything was on its way out the door. None of the Chinese employees were told the school was shutting down until Thursday; I was told this is because they walk away from their jobs instantaneously. That is indeed what happened; our laundry was left hanging on the lines. Every breath of vitality had been sucked out of the building. It is impossible to understand desolate until attempting to live through it.

No one was paid on time at the previous paid period, and it took more than a week for the Chinese administrative staff to receive their paychecks, so everyone was apprehensive about the salary situation now. Sure enough, everyone received only about 2/3 of what had been earned, and given the cost of future transition arrangements, this is a bitter point. No flight reimbursements as the contract promised. Ugh, I am really trying to think about this in a positive light and the only feeling I can muster is exhaustion.

So, I can't really explain this with any sort of organization, it is really all a jumble. I was in a country where I did know how to say more than hello. Barely anyone in China speaks English, so getting around and getting the things you need is a constant challenge. Getting to the airport from where I was involves a taxi ride to the train station, a train ride, a long roundabout walk to the bus station, a long distance bus ride, and then upon arrival at the airport, you must spend the night because it is too late to catch a flight that day. Not to mention that the flow of people in China is based upon pushing, so if you are carrying more than a backpack, this is a highly inconvenient trip. What I am trying to prove is that you do not want to get stuck in China by yourself and far away from the airport. That would be worth a tear or two. I was definitely going to need a plan fast, no intentions of waffling around China. When faced with this decision and only a matter of days to figure it out, it is very easy to see exactly what you want out of life and to acknowledge exactly what you are capable of.

Yes, I came running home. Well, not running. I didn't immediately decide to come home. I could have stayed in China; I had already decided to give living there my best effort. But China really is crowded, polluted, and dirty. It was an awesome challenge and a fascinating place to live. My life in the States is just better. I have so many wonderful friends, I could not think of a good reason to intentionally choose to be far away from them once again.

This was reinforced by today's misfortunes when I ended up riding the bus all the way to the terminal and missing my Spanish and Arabic classes. The bus terminal is right next to Safeco field, and my dad was scoring the game. Lucky for me he got me in to the stadium and I watched the Mariner's for awhile before getting a ride home. That is the kind of favor that means more to me than any kind of excitement from international travel (not that I want to give that up anytime soon!!).